вторник, 14 октября 2008 г.

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Thanks again to the moderator for posting extra question #3 today. I am still experiencing lots of frustrations with the trouble I encountered in conceiving, even though that is now in the past, thank goodness. I was hoping there would be more (well, any at all, actually) moms-to-be that shared my experiences.

We had trouble conceiving, and eventually conceived on Clomid. I thoroughly enjoyed the�years I�had with my husband before we had kids, but having infertility problems has been one of my greatest fears for a long, long time...I donapos;t know why. When we couldnapos;t conceive month after month I�felt like a failure. I still do. I thank god constantly for the help of medical technology, and�realize that�our fertility�assistance�could have taken so much longer and been so much more complicated and�difficult than it was,�but nothing has ever made me feel like less of a woman, even though I know I shouldnapos;t define myself just by my ability to reproduce. I�just felt so empty, and also angry with myself for feeling that way. Moreover, I�made the mistake of telling some friends that we were TTC, and they started tippy-toeing around me or asking how I was as they all got pregnant one my one.

Now we are expecting our first baby and Ievery minute�feels like miracle,�but I also havenapos;t been able to get rid of the feelings of not having been able to get pregnant without assistance.�Not to mention that my entire first trimester was one long panic attack, where Iapos;d freak out about miscarrying because I�excercised or, well, anything. I have 6 girlfriends now all due within 2 months of me, and all of them got pregnant within 2 months of trying, and in several cases, the pregnancies were unplanned. I feel like I should be grateful for the time Iapos;ve had to prepare and really�yearn for�this pregnancy from�its very beginning, but then I also keep thinking, "why couldnapos;t that happen to me?"

So many times Iapos;d get my period and cry, so many times I looked at negative pregnancy tests, so many times I still hide how we got pregnant when all my friends are laughing about how spectacularly fertile they are. Am I really this alone in this?? :(

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